Coaching and confidence

If coaching has taught me anything about human nature, it’s that everyone struggles to feel truly confident from time-to-time. Imposter syndrome, comparison, perfection paralysis and negative self-talk all chip away at our confidence and can sabotage our personal and professional peace. And leaders – even the most accomplished executives – are certainly not immune to this malady.

Based on my experience, a lack of confidence is the number one theme that comes up most often in executive coaching. And it’s also the area of greatest improvement for leaders at all levels. “My confidence has gone from a five out of 10 to nearly a nine because of these conversations!” declared one client. “Coaching has had such an impact on me – I feel so much more confident in just two months,” said another.

Comments like these (and so many others) compelled me to ponder why coaching can be such a powerful tool to improve confidence, and led to the following realizations:

  1. Voicing your thoughts is a game changer. Getting out of your head and sharing your thoughts with a trusted thinking partner provides a more objective and balanced perspective of what’s really going on. It helps shut down that inner critic and allows you to more clearly see the situation and the solution.

  2. Having a safe, confidential space to share is critical. Talking through your challenges and business decisions in a safe, confidential space often results in resolve and clarity, which increases confidence in decision making. It’s the job of the coach to ask profound questions and challenge your thinking. This process not only helps you make better business decisions, but also to be more gracious with yourself and others.

  3. Feedback matters. Getting positive feedback is often rare for executives, and coaching offers a space for leaders to truly feel seen, heard and understood in a way they may have never experienced before. Part of coaching involves acknowledging and celebrating your unique stamp of brilliance, and helping you more clearly see and amplify your natural gifts and unique value proposition.

These three things (and so much more) happen inside coaching conversations and it’s a transformative and rewarding experience for those that experience it. Interested in learning more about how coaching could improve your confidence? A confidential chat is your first step.

Executive Coaching: What is it, anyway?

People sometimes ask: What exactly is Executive Coaching? Here’s my answer.

Executive Coaching is a confidential and safe space that requires the coach to be fully present for the coachee and to demonstrate that presence by keenly observing, profoundly questioning and astutely paraphrasing.

It means listening to understand and illustrating that understanding with empathy and without judgement.

It means speaking with intention and helping others to discover their own answers as a thinking partner while bringing heightened levels of self-awareness and performance. 

It holds people capable knowing that only they know what’s right for them (even if they don’t know it yet) — it is the coach’s job to help discover and unearth their truth (not ours).

It helps people to truly learn who they are right now, to unearth their authentic selves, motivations and obstacles … so they can become who they want to be. It’s a meet-you-where-you-are-first-to-get-you-where-you-want-to-go type of journey.

And it all leads to helping clients achieve new levels of self awareness, performance and peace.

If you’re ready to reach your growth goals faster with a supportive thought partner, let’s talk.

Listening: The hallmark of coaching

What gets in the way of listening actively? Our own internal chatter – the incessant churn of “what now?” and “what’s next?” The relentless activity that is pervasive in our days, that demands our time and insists upon our attention. The drifting of thoughts to any place that is not fully present.

Listening actively requires us to be better. Better at showing up for people. Better at being in the moment. And better at shelving our own ego to be completely in the service of others.

Every transformative coaching conversation requires deep listening as a bare minimum requirement. It requires us to be fully present for our coachees, and to demonstrate that presence through the use of profound questioning, reflection and paraphrasing. It means listening to understand and illustrating that understanding with empathy and without judgement.

Listening actively is the hallmark of great coaching and must show up. Every. Single. Time.

If you’re ready to be really listened to — to feel seen, heard and understood in a way you may have never been before — and to have that understanding help you become the leader you are meant to be, let’s talk.

Book review: Meditations by Marcus Aurelius

As a coach and self-improvement junkie of sorts, I compulsively consume content. And yet, so much of it doesn’t resonate. “Meh,” I think to this line of thinking or that. “Okay, but…” I challenge as we’re directed to affirm to achieve. “You are destined for greatness – we all are,” they say. And yet … really? No. That doesn’t feel right.

What does feel right, however, is the musings of a Roman Emperor from nearly 2,000 years ago.

So, I’m either antiquated in my thoughts, or this long-dead dude – Marcus Aurelius – was onto something. His bite-sized seemingly random chunks of wisdom intended for himself alone are exactly the type of truths we need today.

A student of stoic philosophy – which Marcus revered religiously – Meditations give modern-day readers a dose of tough love through words intended to bring Marcus himself clarity; advice that was, in fact, never intended for anyone else but him.

In its 170 pages of wisdom, Marcus provides intimate insights into everything – from how to cope with anger, desire and pain to how to master mindfulness. And there’s a reoccurring theme in his teachings: the choice is yours. It’s always yours.

This book is profoundly grounding. So much so that I plucked some of its most poignant points and organized them according to their teaching and meanings. Most of the insights selected are word-for-word. Others are paraphrased. And, like Marcus originally intended, this advice is aspirational in its teaching and intended for one … and perhaps, now, for you, too.

Get over yourself and 15 other timeless truths from Marcus Aurelius

  1. A good life is a simple application of mind over matter. You can control how you are affected by everything – it’s a choice every time. If you can liberate your mind from what other people do and say, of what you’ve said or done, of the things that you’re afraid will happen, you will find peace.

  2. What is outside your mind means nothing to it. When you fail to control your mind and your thoughts, remind yourself that this thought is destructive to you and others.

  3. Everywhere, at each moment, you have the option: To accept this event with humility, to treat this person as he should be treated, and to approach this thought with care so that nothing irrational creeps in.

  4. If you can control your thoughts, you can’t be troubled. Absorb that lesson and your feet stand firm. It’s foolish to focus on the thoughts swirling about in someone else’s mind.

  5. When you feel pain, see that it doesn’t disgrace you. And blame no one.

  6. Pain is endurable and time-limited – but only if you don’t magnify it in your imagination. Remember, you don’t have to turn this into something. It doesn’t have to upset you.

  7. Anger originates not from what people do or say – that’s on them – but on how we interpret that action. Be willing to give up thinking of this as a catastrophe … and your anger is gone.

  8. Don’t let other people’s behaviour affect yours – be indifferent, be tolerant, be patient and cheerful.

  9. It’s not what’s done to us but what we do that matters.

  10. To be hurtful and to do harm is to hurt yourself – it degrades you. And anger does much more damage than the things that causes it.

  11. Move from analysis to indifference. Always seek indifference for what makes no difference, which is most things.

  12. Your impulses must be moderated. Remember that real human strength is in courtesy and kindness.

  13. Ambition means tying your wellbeing to what other people say or do. Self-indulgence means tying it to the things that happen to you. Sanity means tying it to your own actions. Do what’s up to you; do not be passively controlled by others like a slave or beggar.

  14. Our own worth is measured by what we devote our energy to. Pay attention and resolve to live up to your own expectations. In everything. And focus on your own divinity – the only opinion of you that truly matters is your own.

  15. Kindness is invincible.

Of course, everyone that reads Meditations will take something different from it. So, my advice is this: just read it and learn for yourself why its wisdom has transcended time.

It will change you.

As a life-long learner and avid reader, I make it my business to consume knowledge for your benefit. Each client that works with me receives customized resource referral to readings and videos based on their unique needs. If this sounds like something that might benefit you, let’s chat.